Switch to Accessible Site

Discernment Counseling

If you or your spouse are considering divorce or separation but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. 

Discernment Counseling is designed for you.

Discernment Counseling is a special way to work with couples that offers them a chance to slow down, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage. It is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help–and the other is “leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.

I will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move towards divorce or take a time out and decide later. The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence toward a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable.

You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No good guys or bad guys. You will both come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations in session. Why? Because you are starting out in different places. I will respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health. I will emphasize the significance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.

Learn more about Discernment Counseling here and separate pages for those leaning into the marriage and those leaning out toward separation or divorce.

Note that couples counseling (including Discernment Counseling) is not suited for these situations:

  • When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
  • When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
  • When there is danger of domestic violence


Watch co-founder & internationally recognized marriage expert Bill Doherty, Ph.D. describe Discernment Counseling:


If you are struggling in your marriage or uncertain about the future of your marriage, check out the Modern Commitment blog which features articles and insights that may help.

If you or someone you know is on the brink of divorce, contact me today to learn more about how I can help.